SUCCESS AND FAILURE. IN BUSINESS, IN LIFE.

What an incredible one and a half years it’s been. Starting a business, falling out with the one I was doing business with, regrouping and then deciding to bring the business to a close.

We think when something ends, or when something wasn’t big-ass successful, it counts as failure. What I am realizing is who you become at the end of it, is far more important.

So, who did I become and what lessons did I learn as I started, sustained and ended my business. This was a digital agency which handled a total of five clients in its short lifespan and two short-duration projects.

-When we started, my partner and I, we didn’t have a portfolio to show, we didn’t even have a presentation or a website. What we had was a desire to help brands be true to themselves. And to bring that to life in creative, interesting ways. The purity of intention matters.

-The approach that helped us win clients was to create and present a sample deck of creatives and the way-ahead thought for the brand as we saw it. We won almost all our clients in this manner.

-The most and I mean most important thing I realise in hindsight is the one you partner with, makes all the difference. If there isn’t an alignment in vision and in priorities, it only spells trouble. The responsibility for choosing the right partner is however yours.

-However far-fetched it may sound; your own healing is the most important asset you bring to the business.

-Learning to keep your emotions in check, maturity of thought, the ability to channel your creative best, not having an agenda (which almost always translates to seeking personal glory) and most importantly having a growth mindset against a fixed mindset (Carol Dweck’s book, Mindset, did me a huge favor by showing me a mirror) are such important must-haves.

-A back-up source of income, or monetary support that keeps you afloat: this is the foundation of starting a business. I had to move back in with my parents: the compromises are worth it, if you enjoy what you do and clients love the value you bring to the table.

-Anxiety will show up. Pain will show up. Hurt will show up. Because you are ultimately dealing with humans. Part of the success of doing business comes from realizing that true success is the lens with which you start approaching life and business.

-The lens of enough-ness, faith, gratitude, appreciation, tolerance, expansion and the slow movement away from blaming, complaining and criticizing is really the success if that’s what one becomes or sustains for longer periods of time.

-To end with: a business is not separate from love. If all the attributes of love (as stated above) are present in the dealings, and inform everything you do: it is a success: not matter the outcome.

P.S: One of our clients simply could not believe that we are
bringing the business to a close and tried to mediate between
my partner and I, so as to not lose us and what we bring. It is these instances that make you realise that it is never about an outcome, or income  but what you build, grow and become

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Healing

Poetry and writing have been the earliest forms of healing for me. They have helped me put into word-pictures what I was feeling, because I couldn't really fathom what is it that I wanted to say.

I am better at it now, there is more clarity and directness: so there are more written observations now than poetry. Poetry is relegated more to beauty of what and where I am at, instead of a translation service for my feelings that want to become words (not ruling it out completely though)

I have realised there are so many ways to heal: poems, writing down observations, grieving (blameless grieving as a dear one puts it at), feeling all your feelings, and finally just laughing it all out. 

In Musing Mode is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 India License.

Marination, sunsets and silence

As I am back at my parents' house, (albeit for a while), I realise that the four years away, on my own, soothed and calmed my nervous system. 

I love the folks, but I do know that they don't have regulated nervous systems, or even regulated emotions. 

Dad is prone to extreme emotional highs and lows and outbursts of yelling (not targeted at someone); in general, his emotions are not regulated or moderate. Mom can come across as someone cool, calm and collected; but I do know her system is in shutdown. Frozen.

So, I am guessing, we all have nervous systems that are in need of regulation, soothing and calming (all is probably a generalisation, most of us is I am guessing)

Coming back to my four years away, that I spent sharing with two other female flatmates: it had me spending time by myself (insert 2 years of COVID here). It however remains the most beautiful period of my life, as I marinated myself in silence. 

The silence of the skies: of sunsets and sunrises. The silence of my balcony in the moonlight and the way jasmine perfumed that silence. Watching the roses bloom and colouring my balcony red, matching the red of the sunrise. Toasting my feet in the winter sun. The silence of the house, as the afternoon-tea-coloured-sunlight spilled itself all over the walls and the floor. The silence of roasting rava in ghee, and wishing I could bottle that aroma. The silence of long hot baths. The silence of watching tea brew, while letting the fingers of cool breeze from the kitchen window, run all over you. The silence of reading books. The silence of watching clouds move-ever-so-slowly, revealing the deep blue of the sky. Watching birds, shot like arrows out a bow, unseen. Watching the full moon, over a city twinkling with lights. 

Thankful, is all that I am. 

In Musing Mode is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 India License.

Make-up Hack

When wearing kajal,
to apply one stroke 
full, black and bold,
of appreciation, too,
so that everything 
the eye sees that day
is softer, and beautiful.

When spraying perfume,
to add one spritz, 
of gratitude too,
The fragrance you wear,
then leaves behind,
a wafting little note of thank-you,
on everything you touch.

In Musing Mode is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 India License.

Exercising my no, among other things: Back at the gym

So I am back at the gym; back at the same gym, where I started working out, some 15 years ago. I had a personal trainer for a good 4-5 years during that time, and as I went back to the gym, I bumped into him.

After working out on my own for a day, (in which he stepped in to help quite a lot), it felt comfortable going back to taking training from him again. 

He seemed as meticulous as usual; making sure he sent me reminders to come for my cardio. He also made sure he called me in the morning, so that I woke up on time for the session with him.

The only thing that I hadn't accounted for is: change. How much he hadn't changed, and how much I had.

As we started our second session this morning, he was his usual sarcastic, mocking self; but this time around I noticed it for what it was. What was okay around 5 years ago, no longer felt okay. 

It didn't feel good working out with someone who was overall dismissive and not considerate. Just 30 mins into the session, it just felt like we weren't the right fit (pun, yes intended), and what then ensued was a 'no' from me. A no that felt just right, and the realisation that as an adult, saying 'no' to what doesn't work for you is perfectly fine, and that there are no hard feelings, just a knowing that this isn't how you want it to be.

I asked him if was open to me, looking for another trainer. He looked taken aback, but I really am looking forward to working with someone who partners with me by being supportive and encouraging and not disparaging and dismissive.

In Musing Mode is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 India License.

Feels like home

What did your home feel like growing up? 

In Musing Mode is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 India License.

Light during the rains and it is also raining birds

The light during rains is usually indescribable. It has that soft quality of a muted yellow that somehow just gladdens the heart. I think I had previously called it butter-popcorn-yellow and yes it is, it somehow becomes a background against which everything stands out, beautifully. The yellows look yellower and the reds look redder. I think I also had a poem on it. 

rain-grey skies
the red of the gulmohar 
even redder

Now let's come to the part about birds. Where I live right now, (having moved in back with the parents for a while), there is a small water body behind the house, and yes dense greenery as you can see, right in front of the building. So which means I get treated to different kinds of birds (water birds essentially).

So far I have been treated to a brown-breasted kingfisher, several milky-white-rin-washed egrets, and also a plethora of parrots! 

I didn't realise there were so many sub-species in parrots. There are the ones with a blue tinge to their wings and tails: they are the Malabar Parakeets. Then there are the ones with large red-bindi spots on their wings as they take flight: those are the red-winged ones and there are ones with a tinge of yellow too (need to find out what those are called)! :)

There is also the fan-tail with her sweet song, prancing around; there is the magpie robin, with its repertoire of sharp, clear whistles that echo across the skies. 

Then there are the barbets, masters of disguise, with their bright green plumage and red beaks, who camouflage themselves amongst the red and green of the banyan usually (banyan has red figs, fruits that match the red of the barbet's break). You can usually hear their puk-puk before you can spot them. They are not called coppersmith barbets without a reason, they run quite the smithy :)

Then there are the hawks, a crow pheasant, (also called a bharadwaj or called as the great coucal), they have a beautiful auburn-chestnut plumage and so pretty to spy.

A symphony it is: visual and aural... :)

And that's it from me for now :)

In Musing Mode is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 India License.